Me and Lenny of Lenny Tunes like to make lists of things. Sometimes we compare those lists, and then sometimes we go on to share those lists with you. This is one such instance.
Lenny’s 10 Hottest Women on TV
10. Sofia Vergara as Gloria Delgado-Pritchett (Modern Family)
Sure, she has Sofia Vergara’s body, but this character is definitely not coasting on that. She’s smart, loving and sensitive. I would probably watch this show more often if it were just about Gloria.
9. Naya Rivera as Santana Lopez (Glee)
Santana probably deserves to be in the top 4, but everything related to Glee makes me feel a little bit disgusted. As shitty as her show is, Santana is just about the perfect woman.
8. Gillian Jacobs as Britta Perry (Community)
It took me a long time to come around on this one. Oh, the roller coaster Britta and I have been on! She wore me down and now I’m in love. Britta is a total spazz. Yes, I have to resort to ‘80s ski movie lingo to describe her. She’s a spazz and I am on board. Any woman who can mistake Robocop for Rowboatcop and then say, “She’s a bad rowboat. Sink her” has my heart.
7. Rashida Jones as Ann Perkins (Parks and Recreation)
Ann is a fucking badass. I’m jealous of how much Ann’s got it together, red streak in her hair aside. I went from liking her to loving her when she told Leslie to ask Ben about his penis. That right there is charm.
6. Christa Miller as Ellie Torres (Cougar Town)
Ellie is mean and scary and you’re never once supposed to think poorly of her. More TV shows need to have a character who is terrifying and cruel, but generally considered to be a perfectly fine lady. It’s charming.
5. Charlotte Arnold as Holly J. Sinclair (Degrassi: The Next Generation)
I love Holly J so much that I once made a Facebook group called “I Hate Holly J. No, wait. I find her charming and delightful.” I think Charlotte Arnold is one of the most beautiful women in the world and Holly J is smart and driven, with just the right amount of mean mixed in.
4. Busy Philipps as Laurie Keller (Cougar Town)
I love that Laurie knows exactly what she is. She’s completely confident even though she’ll be the first to admit that she’s not perfect. She’s unbelievably fun to watch and a very refreshing character to see.
3. Olivia Wilde as Thirteen Hadley (House)
After three seasons of making straight men and lesbians question our sexuality because Gregory House is just so fucking awesome, the show finally resolved this issue by adding in a character that is essentially House if he was an incredibly attractive bisexual girl. Dilemma deleted.
2. Courteney Cox as Jules Cobb (Cougar Town)
Jules cane be very mean and extremely needy, but those qualities only make her more charming and loveable. I feel like I fall in love with Jules with every scene. I’m frustrated with how hard it is to describe why she’s so great, but I guess her beauty leaves me dumbfounded.
1. Amy Poehler as Leslie Knope (Parks and Recreation)
“That was amazing. That was a flu ridden Michael Jordan at the ’97 NBA finals. That was Kirk Gibson hobbling up to the plate and hitting a homer off of Dennis Eckersly. That was…that was Leslie Knope.” The preceding quote from Ben Wyatt demonstrates that there’s really no sufficient way to describe Leslie Knope other than to say that she’s Leslie Knope. She’s in her own category.
Katie’s Hottest Men on TV
10. Adam Scott as Ben Wyatt (Parks and Recreation)
This tiny little hunk seemed like a tiny little jerk at first, but he’s gradually become one of the most endearing characters on a show full of extremely endearing characters. What’s hotter than a guy who gets so nervous in front of a camera that he starts rambling about how everyone has gay thoughts sometimes? He’s at his hottest when he’s admiring Leslie which, these days, is pretty much all the time.
9. Glenn Howerton as Dennis Reynolds (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia)
What’s better than a guy who looks like a male model? A guy who looks like a male model AND is a terrible, terrible person. And what’s better than a male model who’s a terrible person? A male model who’s a terrible person, is deeply insecure and pathetically reliant on his best friend. These are obviously turn-ons universal to all women, so I don’t know why I’m even wasting your time explaining.
8. Shawn Pyfrom as Andrew Van de Kamp (Desperate Housewives)
Andrew has the devious schemes of a Cruel Intentions character and the approachable good looks of a ’90s boy bandster. He’s been extra hunky ever since the show Quantum Leap‘d five years ahead since he now wears nice suits and isn’t rocking those gelled spikes in his hair.
7. Nick Offerman as Ron Swanson (Parks and Recreation)
When I first saw Ron Swanson, I thought I knew exactly how attracted to that character I was going to be: not very. It took him about ten seconds to win me over. His libertarian agenda, apathy towards his job and disgust towards most of society all somehow cancel out the fact that he looks like my dad’s fishing buddy crossed with the Lorax.
6. Matt Bomer as Neal Caffrey (White Collar)
Look at him. See that picture? That’s what he looks like. Maybe he has a cool personality. Who cares? THAT’S WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE.
5. Hugh Laurie as Dr. Gregory House (House)
The key to House’s sexiness is definitely his cruelty. True, if I met him, he would probably make me cry within the first thirty seconds, but since he’s trapped in the TV and I live out here, we never have to meet and I can continue loving him forever.
4. John Krasinski as Jim Halpert (The Office)
Jim’s just a great guy. I’ve always wanted to marry him and always will, Pam and Cici be damned. He’s awesome on many, many levels, but I’ve always particularly loved the pure joy he derives from stupid stuff like putting Dwight’s stapler in Jell-O or his wallet in the vending machine. Could anything be cuter than that?
3. Jesse Spencer as Dr. Robert Chase (House)
So pretty! So nice! So desperate for approval! He’s like a sexy, super-smart version of Theodore the Chipmunk, which, apparently, is what I’m into.
2. Joel McHale as Jeff Winger (Community)
We’ve come a long from the kind of ugly, poorly made up, lame wisecrack-making, sweatpants-clad Jeff Winger of Community’s pilot. Little by little, he has evolved into a sweet, heart-breaking, gorgeous, funny, gorgeous, complicated, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful man.
1. Ian Somerhalder as Damon Salvatore (The Vampire Diaries)
It helps that the actor playing him is physically perfect in every way, but Damian could be played by Oliver Platt and I would still get a major lady-boner every time he takes advantage of a girl or breaks someone’s spirit with his mind games. I mean, uh… I like his… abs.
The sexiest show on TV is apparently Parks and Recreation, which boasts a whopping four characters between our two lists. That may sound weird, but go watch the episode “Road Trip” (as of this posting it’s still available on Hulu) and then tell me it’s not a sexy show.
Runners-up are House and Cougar Town at three spots each (it should be noted that Cougar Town characters only appear on the lady list). Should none of these shows be able to fulfill their sexy duties, Community, which appeared twice (once on each list) will be asked to step in as the sexiest show on TV.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go watch The Vampire Diaries for… normal reasons.